Assignment #1 - Formal Letter

Dear Professor Blackstone,

Subject: Formal Introduction Letter

My name is Rynus Lee Ernald and I am currently pursuing a degree in civil engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology. Being one of those who was given the opportunity to be in your effective communication class, I am writing this letter hoping that you will be able to know more about me. 

I graduated with a diploma in civil engineering with business from Singapore Polytechnic in 2019. When I was young, I used to play with lego often. I realized that as the lego tower height increases, the stability decreases. This caused me to develop a fear of heights and not having the courage to go to high floors. However, this fear of heights became interest for constructions of buildings when I was 14. During my 14th birthday, I had a family trip to Paris's famous landmark, the Eiffel Tower. Being at the top of the tower made me realized that even at the highest, the tower is as stable as the ground floor. This made me wonder why was there a restriction to how high I could build my lego tower before it collapsed. This curiosity was what sparked my interest in civil engineering. I aim to learn the mechanics behind the stabilization of absurdly tall towers like the Eiffel Tower and the Burj Khalifa through my course of study.

One of my communication strengths would be the ability to constantly engage my audience. I was given the opportunity to engage large groups frequently during my time in the army which allowed me to learn how to keep my audience captivated during my pitch.

In terms of weakness, it will be my poor ability to enunciate my words which can be evidently seen during presentations where I tend to stutter. I am also not proficient in writing essays due to the lack of a strong grammar foundation. This led me to incorrectly portray what I mean through writing at times.

Hence, I have set out two goals for myself that I wish to achieve by the end of the trimester. Through this class, I hope to overcome my shortcomings and gain the ability to present myself professionally as well as to improve my essay writing skills. 

What sets me apart from others would be my willingness to take risks. I always believed that the biggest regret is not in failing but instead, in not trying. This mindset pushes me to face any challenges that comes my way and try my best so I will leave no regrets behind. Combined with a growth mindset, I am continuously aiming to improve by being open to constructive criticisms and reflecting upon my actions.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to having an enriching experience in the weeks to come during your class.

Yours Sincerely,

Rynus Lee Ernald (Mr)

Last Edited : 8th February 2022

Read : Juncen, Alson, Praveen

Comments

  1. LIM JUN CEN22 January 2022 at 23:13

    Dear Rynus,

    I have read your letter and it was very concise and clear. The letter have allowed me know you better.

    However there are points that you are able to improve on.
    1) "you will be able to know more about myself", change the myself to me. As it would suit more of "I want to know more about myself" . It will be "you will be able to know more about me".

    2) Maybe you could elaborate more on yr weaknesses such that has your weakness impede your grades/presentation wise.

    3) Perhaps the take away is used incorrectly. The main takeaway is to gain the ability to present myself professionally. The way you phrased sounded like taking away the ability.

    Have a wonderful weekend and see you soon.

    Best Regards,
    Lim Jun Cen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rynus27 January 2022 at 18:43

      Dear Jun Cen,

      Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I acknowledge the errors I have made and fine tuned my letter with your suggestions. Once again, thank you for the help provided.

      I look forward to seeing you in class.

      Best Regards,
      Rynus

      Delete
  2. Scheerder Ian Marc23 January 2022 at 06:46

    Hi Rynus,

    Your letter was clear, concise and courteous. I am glad to know you better through your letter. You mentioned that one of your goals is to improve on your writing skills and I respect your desire to ameliorate on your weaknesses. With that, I have a couple of pointers that I think you can improve on in this letter.

    1) "pursuing a degree in civil engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology" - When you talk about a specific place, use the word 'at' instead of 'in'.

    2) "...like Eiffel Tower and Burj Khalifa..." - Use the word ‘the’ before each name.

    3) "One of my communication strength..." - One of my strengths (plural).

    4) "....leading me to incorrectly portray what I meant through writing at times." - The word 'meant' should be changed to 'mean'.

    Overall, I feel that your letter has a good and logical flow to it and I enjoyed reading it. I hope we can work together to improve on our communication skills.

    Cheers!
    Ian Marc

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rynus27 January 2022 at 18:41

      Dear Ian,

      Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I have used the advice u gave to fine tune my letter. Once again, thank you for the help provided.

      I look forward to seeing you in class.

      Best Regards,
      Rynus

      Delete
  3. Praveen23 January 2022 at 09:04

    Dear Rynus,

    I have read your introduction letter and I have learnt a bit about you. The letter is concise and its purpose has been established well.

    I would like to point out a few things:
    - In the last line of the 1st paragraph, the word "myself" should be replaced with the word "me"
    - When tallking about your weakness in communication, you could have given us an incident which brought out your weakness so that we would be able to relate to it more
    - When talking about your shortcomings in paragraph 5, you could have reiterated these shortcomings so that the reader would be able to connect with it
    - The tone of the letter is very appropriate

    I hope to work with you in class!

    Regards,
    Praveen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rynus27 January 2022 at 18:42

      Dear Praveen,

      Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I agree with the pointers you have pointed out and adjusted my letter accordingly! Once again, thank you for your help

      I look forward to seeing you in class.

      Best Regards,
      Rynus

      Delete
  4. Erwin24 January 2022 at 21:25

    Dear Rynus,
    I have read your letter and got to know you much better.

    I would like to point afew things out.
    1) 'Being one of those who was given the opportunity'. Instead of using was i think it would fit better to be using were as it followed the word those.
    2) The mention of the landmarks would sound better if it were preceeded by 'the'

    I hope to further work with you in class.

    Regards,
    Erwin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rynus27 January 2022 at 18:43

      Dear Erwin,

      Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I have taken your comments into consideration and changed my letter accordingly. Once again, thank you for the help provided.

      I look forward to seeing you in class.

      Best Regards,
      Rynus

      Delete
  5. Brad Blackstone3 February 2022 at 20:52

    Dear Rynus,

    Dear Rynus,

    Thank you for this clear, succinct and informative letter. You do a fine job covering the scope of the assignment brief as you detail your educational background and current study path, then linking that with your interest in legos and the family trip to Paris and that tower visit. Connecting your interests and study choice makes vivid the letter content. You also do well explaining your development of both communication and other skill sets. It’s particularly insightful for us readers to learn about your growth mindet and willingness to learn.

    This letter is also quite fluent. I look forward to reading more fom you this term.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
  6. Rynus4 February 2022 at 03:49

    Dear Professor Blackstone,

    Thank you for taking time off to read my letter and provide feedbacks. I am glad that you enjoyed my letter. I look forward to learning more from you throughout the semester.

    Best Regards,
    Rynus

    ReplyDelete

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